Tikflyquim is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, pitiless gorilla.

Tikflyquim created the solar system three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tikflyquim, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tikflyquim, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tikflyquim's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tikflyquim's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tikflyquim first in all things.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never think about optics near whales while wearing cyan rings and balancing six silicon spheres on your arms.