Ditlaparf Vonkcinlarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, weak lobster.

Ditlaparf Vonkcinlarn created the planet Saturn seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditlaparf Vonkcinlarn, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Ditlaparf Vonkcinlarn, he will turn you into a duck.

Ditlaparf Vonkcinlarn's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Ditlaparf Vonkcinlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. Do not speak about coconuts.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never look in ponds.