Quamfagcam is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, smart squirrel.

Quamfagcam created tapeworms eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamfagcam, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quamfagcam, he will turn you into a duck.

Quamfagcam's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Quamfagcam's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Quamfagcam.

2. Hide from brown tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Always look after injured manatees.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Quamfagcam in the centre of the settlement.