Quillxenhiv Jendubtikweetifhim is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, all-powerful finch.

Quillxenhiv Jendubtikweetifhim created dark energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quillxenhiv Jendubtikweetifhim, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Quillxenhiv Jendubtikweetifhim, she will be mildly annoyed.

Quillxenhiv Jendubtikweetifhim's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Quillxenhiv Jendubtikweetifhim's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

4. Run away if four snails approach from the north.

5. Always pray immersed in water.