Kiptonktom is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, deceitful owl.

Kiptonktom created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kiptonktom, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kiptonktom, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kiptonktom's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Kiptonktom's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six gold sculptures of Kiptonktom on top of important buildings.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never talk about gravity near seals while wearing magenta skirts.

4. Gulls are not to be trusted.

5. Run away from orange monkeys, for they are unholy.