Garfetzag is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, almighty wyrm.

Garfetzag created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garfetzag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Garfetzag, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Garfetzag's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Garfetzag's Holy Commandments

1. Garfetzag loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Erect a giant white sculpture of Garfetzag in the centre of the settlement.