Bogbampin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, tiresome seal.

Bogbampin created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bogbampin, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bogbampin, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Bogbampin's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bogbampin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help doves.

2. Bogbampin loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Never think about spacetime near snakes while wearing red shoes and balancing three iron spheres on your hands.