Tarbasttaf is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless warg.

Tarbasttaf created viruses three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarbasttaf, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Tarbasttaf, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Tarbasttaf's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tarbasttaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy.

2. Do not dye your hair purple.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate horses.

5. Never talk about snakes.