Lancatsis Zakfidmif is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, slow unicorn.

Lancatsis Zakfidmif created a charm quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lancatsis Zakfidmif, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lancatsis Zakfidmif, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Lancatsis Zakfidmif's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Lancatsis Zakfidmif's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Put Lancatsis Zakfidmif first in all things.

3. Never think ill of sick foxes.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lancatsis Zakfidmif.

5. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Lancatsis Zakfidmif on top of all buildings.