Sugrutomtgembonk is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, wise scorpion.

Sugrutomtgembonk created a charm quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Sugrutomtgembonk, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Sugrutomtgembonk, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Sugrutomtgembonk's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Sugrutomtgembonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not laugh in public.