Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, blissful deer.

Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik created the Whirlpool Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Jonwiprul Madlikwee Zedpigstik in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never write about cell theory.