Figripnell is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, witty crab.

Figripnell created time and space four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figripnell, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Figripnell, it will remove you from existence.

Figripnell's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Figripnell's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry goats.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Figripnell on top of all buildings.

4. Never write about dwarf planets.

5. Always look after injured horses.