Bigjendad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, slow salamander.

Bigjendad created Asia three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigjendad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bigjendad, he will strike you with lightening.

Bigjendad's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Bigjendad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never think about gravity near pigs while wearing pink hats and balancing seven carbon spheres on your feet.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never sprint in the presence of moths.

5. Never paint your arms violet.