Hakgabjab is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, tiresome dingo.

Hakgabjab created tapeworms four million years ago.

If you believe in Hakgabjab, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hakgabjab, he will turn you into a plant.

Hakgabjab's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Hakgabjab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Hakgabjab first in all things.

2. Hakgabjab loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Never hurt capybaras.

4. Never go into magenta rooms.

5. Never talk about tortoises.