Nelyarp is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, egotistical lobster.

Nelyarp created Asia seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelyarp, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nelyarp, he will strike you with lightening.

Nelyarp's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Nelyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not keep three sharks in a large pit.

3. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never write about black holes.