Govcutarp is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unsympathetic crab.

Govcutarp created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govcutarp, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Govcutarp, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Govcutarp's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Govcutarp's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans.

2. Retreat if six seals approach from the west.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Hide if three eagles approach from the south.

5. Never paint your feet magenta.