Tigzogpak Farnhappak is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, conceited clam.

Tigzogpak Farnhappak created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigzogpak Farnhappak, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tigzogpak Farnhappak, it will turn you into a puffin.

Tigzogpak Farnhappak's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tigzogpak Farnhappak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Tigzogpak Farnhappak on top of all buildings.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never eat green fruit.