Ontkomtetti is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, staggering narwhal.

Ontkomtetti created the universe six million years ago.

If you believe in Ontkomtetti, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontkomtetti, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ontkomtetti's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Ontkomtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never paint your hands violet.

3. Ontkomtetti loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not cook food in pots.