Largkarpak is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, ill-tempered spider.

Largkarpak created vertebrates eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Largkarpak, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Largkarpak, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Largkarpak's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Largkarpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never mention great tits.

4. Erect a large iron sculpture of Largkarpak on top of all buildings.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.