Bestrenyak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, proud clam.

Bestrenyak created the solar system nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestrenyak, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bestrenyak, it will turn you into a duck.

Bestrenyak's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Bestrenyak's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Bestrenyak on top of all buildings.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near badgers while wearing black shorts and balancing five lead spheres on your back.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Never talk about goats.

5. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.