Flatsisvad is a god.

She takes the form of a small, amazing yak.

Flatsisvad created oxygen four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatsisvad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatsisvad, she will turn you into a slug.

Flatsisvad's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Flatsisvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Flatsisvad loves manatees, so they must be respected.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Flatsisvad on top of all buildings.

5. Never feed lots of aubergines to great tits while wearing blue boots.