Sabwigarp Bitdavdab is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, kind elephant.

Sabwigarp Bitdavdab created parasitic wasps four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabwigarp Bitdavdab, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Sabwigarp Bitdavdab, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Sabwigarp Bitdavdab's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Sabwigarp Bitdavdab's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Sabwigarp Bitdavdab.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.