Cimnakhud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, humane squid.

Cimnakhud created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cimnakhud, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Cimnakhud, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Cimnakhud's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Cimnakhud's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Cimnakhud.

2. Never talk about electromagnetism.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Run away from turquoise goats, for they are unholy.

5. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Cimnakhud in the centre of the settlement.