Bastcatfag is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent turtle.

Bastcatfag created the Tadpole Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastcatfag, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bastcatfag, he will turn you into a dog.

Bastcatfag's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Bastcatfag's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Bastcatfag.

2. Always obey Bastcatfag's priests.

3. Run away from turquoise voles, for they are unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Never sprint near sheep.