Metcimlim is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, merciless pig.

Metcimlim created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Metcimlim, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Metcimlim, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Metcimlim's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Metcimlim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always look after injured swans.