Xuctarflam is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient hippopotamus.

Xuctarflam created life four years ago.

If you believe in Xuctarflam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Xuctarflam, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Xuctarflam's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Xuctarflam's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of ants.

2. Xuctarflam loves rats, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.