Bassnartkar is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, conceited faun.

Bassnartkar created a down quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bassnartkar, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bassnartkar, he will turn you into a dog.

Bassnartkar's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Bassnartkar's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Bassnartkar.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not hurt frogs.

5. Put Bassnartkar first in all things.