Mat Cutartzak is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, compassionate swallow.

Mat Cutartzak created carbon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mat Cutartzak, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Mat Cutartzak, he will turn you into a snail.

Mat Cutartzak's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Mat Cutartzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at comets.

2. Do not wear brown clothing.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near voles while wearing yellow kilts and balancing seven zinc spheres on your neck.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.