Cimtailtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, pitiless human.

Cimtailtonk created oxygen eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cimtailtonk, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cimtailtonk, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Cimtailtonk's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Cimtailtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick horses.

2. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never feed parsnips to swans while wearing red boots.

5. Never feed bananas to tortoises while wearing ear rings.