Arptensom is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, weak dog.

Arptensom created a charm quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arptensom, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arptensom, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Arptensom's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Arptensom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gray clothing.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never paint your hands orange.

4. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Arptensom in the centre of the settlement.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.