Quatnadben is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, annoying bat.

Quatnadben created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatnadben, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quatnadben, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Quatnadben's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Quatnadben's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt great tits.

2. Do not sprint in public.

3. Do not speak about onions.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.