Jamcabsandgab is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, quiet crab.

Jamcabsandgab created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamcabsandgab, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jamcabsandgab, he will torture you forever.

Jamcabsandgab's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jamcabsandgab's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh near sharks.

2. Never write about eukaryotes.

3. You must love Jamcabsandgab.

4. Never think about dark matter.

5. Never mention swans.