Linsadnur Dotkomhogmob is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, sapient aardvark.

Linsadnur Dotkomhogmob created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Linsadnur Dotkomhogmob, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Linsadnur Dotkomhogmob, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Linsadnur Dotkomhogmob's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Linsadnur Dotkomhogmob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint in public.

2. Hide from red birds for they are unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.