Arfgumtonk is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, intelligent armadillo.

Arfgumtonk created viruses eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfgumtonk, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Arfgumtonk, she will remove you from existence.

Arfgumtonk's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Arfgumtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head cyan.

2. Never jump in the presence of bats.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

4. Erect four iron sculptures of Arfgumtonk on top of important buildings.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics near ducks while wearing white dresses and balancing three platinum spheres on your legs.