Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, temperamental jaguar.

Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad created a strange quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Hogpinfarzak Hogquartsad.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

3. Always treat gulls with great respect.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. You must never eat melons.