Gunpaktaf is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unfair duck.

Gunpaktaf created light six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunpaktaf, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Gunpaktaf, he will make you grow a tail.

Gunpaktaf's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Gunpaktaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near otters while wearing indigo hats and balancing seven nickel spheres on your neck.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never mention voles.

5. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Gunpaktaf in the centre of the settlement.