Flapstigfig Largjatlin is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthoughtful gnu.

Flapstigfig Largjatlin created parasitic wasps six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapstigfig Largjatlin, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flapstigfig Largjatlin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flapstigfig Largjatlin's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Flapstigfig Largjatlin's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flapstigfig Largjatlin.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Flapstigfig Largjatlin on top of all buildings.

3. Put Flapstigfig Largjatlin first in all things.

4. You must never eat gooseberries.

5. Never pour water over plants.