Pakkinpid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid walrus.

Pakkinpid created parasitic wasps eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakkinpid, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Pakkinpid, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Pakkinpid's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Pakkinpid's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if eight voles approach from the east.

2. Hide if seven great tits approach from the south.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Never mention snails.