Besstarpquam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, awe-inspiring crab.

Besstarpquam created the Andromeda Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Besstarpquam, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Besstarpquam, he will throw large rocks at you.

Besstarpquam's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Besstarpquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never wear cyan jumpers.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.