Gesstenbell is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, clever jackal.

Gesstenbell created tapeworms nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesstenbell, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gesstenbell, he will remove you from existence.

Gesstenbell's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Gesstenbell's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of oranges to great tits while wearing white kilts.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never eat garlic.

5. Do not trade with those who eat beans.