Yamvolwitteen is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, egotistical gorilla.

Yamvolwitteen created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yamvolwitteen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yamvolwitteen, it will refuse to believe in you.

Yamvolwitteen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Yamvolwitteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never skip near otters.