Tonkcenhas is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, egotistical wren.

Tonkcenhas created the solar system four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcenhas, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tonkcenhas, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tonkcenhas' most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Tonkcenhas' Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always take life seriously.