Lakpangtom is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, temperamental beaver.

Lakpangtom created tapeworms eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lakpangtom, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lakpangtom, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Lakpangtom's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Lakpangtom's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

4. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not keep four pigs in a large pit.