Jabwatrak is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited swallow.

Jabwatrak created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabwatrak, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jabwatrak, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jabwatrak's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Jabwatrak's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.