Dissakjab is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, all-knowing spider.

Dissakjab created viruses four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dissakjab, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dissakjab, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dissakjab's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Dissakjab's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Dissakjab.

2. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Dissakjab in the centre of the settlement.

3. Feed all hungry squirrels.

4. Never think ill of sick ants.

5. Never feed beans to goats while wearing jumpers.