Bessbastkan is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, bad-tempered naga.

Bessbastkan created a photon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bessbastkan, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bessbastkan, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bessbastkan's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Bessbastkan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Fast once a month.