Tagvolbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, weak guinea pig.

Tagvolbarn created the planet Jupiter three million years ago.

If you believe in Tagvolbarn, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tagvolbarn, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tagvolbarn's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Tagvolbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Tagvolbarn must be the most important thing in your life.

2. You must pray to Tagvolbarn four times a day.

3. You must never eat spinach.

4. Do not speak about gooseberries.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.