Ranbafsan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, benevolent mole.

Ranbafsan created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ranbafsan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ranbafsan, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Ranbafsan's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Ranbafsan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about grapes.

2. Put Ranbafsan first in all things.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Retreat if seven mites approach from the north.