Gumgonfet is a god.

It takes the form of a large, generous dryad.

Gumgonfet created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumgonfet, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gumgonfet, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Gumgonfet's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Gumgonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt pigs.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Rats are not to be trusted.

4. Never write about quantum gravity.

5. Never talk about spacetime near tortoises while wearing green boots and balancing six titanium spheres on your legs.