Gepsagcum Yarvonlig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, awesome mink.

Gepsagcum Yarvonlig created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Gepsagcum Yarvonlig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gepsagcum Yarvonlig, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gepsagcum Yarvonlig's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Gepsagcum Yarvonlig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

2. Retreat if five eagles approach from the east.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.